Looking forward to the end of obstacles

Crrently we have been waiting 22 days for Letter of Seeking Confirmation, which is the letter that will confirm our desire to adopt Xiao Yu. It can't come too soon for me. Just last month, as we celebrated the anniversary of Maya's Gotcha day, Paul and I were talking about how fast the last 4 years went with Maya. Well, the last 3 weeks seem like months to me. It is hard to believe that we only got referral 3 weeks ago. It seems like forever. Time is a funny thing.

Someone told me last fall, that astrologically we were coming to the end of a period of time when things just were not happening easily. A time when it seemed to take forever for resolution, and it is a wonder that anything on earth could possibly get accomplished. they told me that as the shift in aligment of planets and stars slowly start taking place in the coming months (spring), that things will really start to happen. Projects will start being resolved quickly and people will start making progress in areas that seem to have been stalled for a few years. As I look back over the last 2 years, I see that this is completely true in my life. October 2006 we began this adoption journey, and now I hope I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes it seemed like it was not going to happen, and now I can look into the face of the beautiful little boy that will be my son. I just hope that the end of the journey is close, and do worry with the Swine Flu situation, that things will be delayed. Some days I feel like I am holding my breath until we are home from China.

I ran a long distance race once, and I feel kind of like I did coming up to the home stretch. My mistake was not knowing the route before I ran the race. I paced myself and was doing great all the way through. I was passing so many runners, I knew I was doing great. Then, I started to fatigue. I had no idea how close I was to the finish line. I lost steam and started slowing down. I just could not do it anymore. people started passing me. 5 people I counted passed me. then, there it was, the finish line just up the hill. I got my adrenaline boost and ran as fast as I could, but I had not much energy left. I passed a few people, and came in 9th. I wonder what would have happened, had I known where that finish line was. Maybe if I knew, I could have hung in a little longer. Sometimes this adoption journey feels a little like that race.

At the same time as this adoption journey, I have spent the last couple of years running in circles in a conflict with my business partners that was very stressful. Dealing with people that say one thing and do another, and that say things they think you want to hear without any plan to follow through on their promises is a very stressful thing to go through. Finally, at the beginning of 2009 the partnership ended , and a new one began with the one partner that actually did have my same vision. There has been a lot of conflict and deception in trying to unravel the old partnership, and now, that too is coming to an end (I hope). The good news is that the new partnership is going great, with a lot of new clients coming on this winter and summer. we just hired a new CA that will start in October. Already we have more staff (and quality staff) in a partnership of 2 partners than we did with a partnership of 4. It feels very right and I no longer feel "stuck".

The other thing that has been slow in coming is the renovations to the house. I have had a bathroom reno (and kitchen) in mind for a few years now, and have finally found someone to do the work, and a friend that works in the plumbing business ready to order me the fixtures I want at a discount. That bathroom project is set to start in September. Yes, I know, doing a reno just before adoption travel is not the greatest, but I need to have that done before we arrive home with a new little one that will need lots of structure and minimal disruptions to routine.

Three big events to be resolved over the coming months. I can't say what a relief it will be to have it all behind me. I guess it is no wonder that I am so totally drained. The last few years have taken a toll, that is for sure. Along with dealing with stress of a family member with Alzeimers, and just dealing with all of the business of having a young child and a home to take care of, it sometimes is very overwhelming. I just long for a normal life for a while, without any big, life changing happenings for just a little while, is all I ask.

I sometimes feel badly that we don't spend enough time with friends and family, but I hope people understand how jam packed every minute of every day is for me right now, and how occupied my head space is.